Fake comic book art by Rob Liefeld
Fake comic book art by Jim Lee
Here's a classic article about one of the princes of shitty comic book art, Rob Liefeld (see link below). At his 'height' he helped perpetuate the myth that bad drawing was a 'style' and not just fucking ignorance at work. You know what that is? That's me telling a fine girl that my shitbox car is all the rage, not a piece of junk that can barely get down the street without the engine dropping out of it. Marvel made these ass-clowns 'famous' and I've personally met real comic book artists put out of work because of them. A goddamn shame and it'll never ever be forgotten. Then that pure filth so-called 'style' infiltrated DC comics and their books started looking like they were drawn by teenagers smoking crack cocaine.
Rob Liefeld was a slacker and let me add that other artistic slacker, Jim Lee's name to the criticism. Lee spent years drawing the human figure as if someone had covered his eyes with a fucking blindfold. The only difference if there even was one was that at his worse he was better than the other fuckers. Today he's some sort of big shot at DC comics -a 'co-publisher' (whatever that means). Big deal. As long as he doesn't draw that many comic books the comic book world will be better off.
Sorry-Ass Movie Review: 'UNFORGETTABLE'
Saw an awful movie last night suitably called, 'UNFORGETTABLE'. It was so bad that I know I'll remember it until the end of time. It was filled full of movie stars who's main concern was to NOT BE FORGOTTEN, so they must've signed on to this thing for that reason alone. Those stars absolutely have to be named because they are guilty of the sin of spreading more HOLLYWOOD CRAP into a world already chock-full of it!! The biggest star in it I happen to have a mini-crush on, KATHERINE HEIGL. She's a blonde babe with obvious acting skills not getting enough roles or maybe she turned down too many?? In any case as you watch this film you can see a great actress trying to burst out of the lousy, damn near evil script by CHRISTINA HODSON and DAVID JOHNSON. The lackluster and unimaginative directing by DENISE DI NOVI didn't help at all.
HEIGL is a living BETTY COOPER from the comic book ARCHIE and I wonder aloud why in hell hasn't someone wrote a script precisely to exploit this. She has that trademark ARCHIE CHEEK SMILE TOO. You know, a lot of cheek pushed up on one corner of the face ( a feeling). In any case I was disappointed by her inability to improve on this lousy script by these amateur writers, both of whom I hope are destined to NOT BE FORGOTTEN by the IRS come tax time next year!
The next actor is ROSARIO DAWSON, A sexy Latina that has been out of the limelight for some time because newbie uber star RYAN GOSLING is her hubby and he's been pumping babies into her left and right. So as selfish RYAN'S career rose, ROSARIO'S has been sidelined by brats-to-be. In fact, this movie is so bad that ROSARIO has an obvious BABY BUMP but nobody in the film acknowledges it, even her fiance!!! It's as if they're all sex retards or something!! So now you're beginning to see how bad this film is.
Speaking of the husband, the character in question turns out to be one helluva a chump. He's a big guy too but he's easily pushed around by the other characters. Competently played by GEOFF STULTS (who's name looks like and rhymes with INSULTS), he does convey the necessary acting chops but nothing can save this dreadful script.
The story's premise is quite simple but the incompetence of the writers and director to execute the premise deftly only shows how far they all have to go! TESSA CONNOVER (CATHERINE HEIGL) is a 'closet psycho' (you know, like your kid brother or mean as hell 3rd grade teacher) and is jealous as hell that JULIA BANKS (ROSARIO DAWSON) is about to marry her hunky ex DAVID CONNOVER (GEOFF STULTS). So she plots to destroy her like any true blooded American woman would. To aid her in her quest she enlist the help of MICHAEL VARGAS (SIMON KASSIANIDES), who is JULIA BANK'S ex who used to KICK HER ASS so he's a baddy. This is really a great concept! An evil chick stalker using another guy stalker as a proxy to do her dirty work! Man! In a great script that would be edge-of-your-seat inducing drama!! But here, the whole idea is handled clumsily and to no obvious dramatic effect. What a damn shame!
And here's where the real problem of UNFORGETTABLE lies. The BACKSTORY is more interesting than the ACTUAL STORY. Amateur writers fail to see the actual better story that they've cooked up while developing their story of interest. The story about the JULIA BANKS' (ROSARIO DAWSON) EX is given so little attention in silly aggressive 'head shots only' of him that when he falls for TESSA CONNOVER'S (CATHERINE HEIGL) silly plan to get him back into JULIA BANK'S (ROSARIO DAWSON) life that when he suddenly shows up it feels patently not threatening. He's like some guy she just knew not the guy that once tried to kill her. The disappointment snowballs after this because the conflict between the characters begins to occur fast and furiously. Why? Because the script had far too much bullshit 'character development'. Far too much 'evil plotting' scenes, and far too little drama. Then it had FAR TOO LITTLE TIME to show the outcome of all that other stuff! Suddenly at the end of the film everybody starts fighting in a life and death manner. And the dialog that comes out of their mouths is hilarious! Most of it totally inappropriate and undramatic.
I hate (and love) it when people with ZERO PERSONAL EXPERIENCE attempt to write stories about situations that their personal lives have never even came close to being like. It's obvious that the writers of UNFORGETTABLE were either too spoiled in their upbringing or slept through mentally whatever bad shit they did experience. Either way you never feel any THREAT in the scripting of this movie. No sense of danger what so ever! Did they just roll out of their comfty beds and decide to write a movie LIKE OTHER BETTER MOVIES THEY'VE SEEN INVOLVING OBSESSIVE LOVERS?? Apparently so! In any case because of the weak acting careers of the two female lead characters the producers were able to convince them to do this piece of trash.
OK. So this is a bad movie. Were there any good moments to take away from it? Yes, of course. Being a guy I got to see KATHERINE HEIGL in almost every damn scene. AND to make that even more special (or because the producers knew that they had to add more sex to the film in order to sucker lonely men like me into seeing it) they gave KATHERINE HEIGL'S character a bit of a sex addiction angle. When she's plotting her evil or destressing she will fuck or masturbate to it!! Hehehe. Well, those producers obviously weren't that dumb because it worked! There's a scene where Kat (I can call her that because I'm a real fan of hers) is humping a stranger in car during a sudden (meaning ad hoc) rain storm!! Yeah! That shot was worth $20!! (I paid $12.00 for the ticket). So the movie isn't a total waste if you're a horny guy like me or a prowling blonde-grinding lesbian stalker! But if you're like the rest of mankind (meaning a sexless person with little or no blood flowing between your thighs) then you're going to hate this film like no other!!!
So, the final word on this movie is FUCK THIS FILM. Don't watch it unless it's on a long flight across the Atlantic Ocean or you're on a prison bus and it's being shown on the back of the seat ahead of you (Federal Prison Bus).
Like a bloody auto accident that you slow down to gawk at --if you could go back in time and take a look at it again YOU KNOW YOU WOULD. That's Fox's 'Fantastic Dud' for you. Take a look-listen at CinemaSin's butt-fucking of this absurd attempt at 'creation' (see link below). It's as if Fox Studios found a bag of hammers, labeled them as 'Director', 'Actor', etc. then threw that bag onto a motion picture set and walked away. When they came back they had this shit-poor excuse of a super hero flick to deal with.
And to think that Disney had the director, Josh Trank, in mind to film the upcoming Boba Fett movie!!!! Can you believe the size of the bullet they just dodged by dumping him after they learned how he completely FAILED during the making of this [Fanastic Four] movie?? Unbelievable the opportunities being thrown at people completely unworthy of them!!! Meanwhile, somewhere out there is a talented person who's skill we'll never-ever get to see. Just a fucked up and evil world, ain't it?
Here's a great comic book -'Superman VS Spider-Man'. I remember how excited I was to first see Ross Andru's artwork. Being a big Buscema Brothers fan I was already conditioned to admiring artists that could draw the fucking human body as it is (for the most part). Not using photographs or 'faking it until you make it' like most of these amateur knuckle-draggers working in the industry today. Ross Andru was the real deal!! Man, look how simple the design (elements) in this cover is. It says everything, one part of the image leading your eye (naturally) to the other parts. The mark of a master is the lack of evidence that he's been there. You don't see any struggle in the design of this cover. Ross delivers!
Another badass was Atari Force artist Jose Garcia Lopez. This book sold itself as soon as you looked inside of it (the best aspect about having pros doing your books is a no-hassle, no haggle sale). Jose's compositions, anatomy, action, all were the real school, fuck the hell out of 'Old School'. There is no 'New School' as far as realistic art is concerned (the implication being). If you haven't looked into this series then you're missing an illustrated scifi adventure that feels like you're watching Marvel Comics' unexpected megahit movie 'Guardians of the Galaxy'. The storyline bouncin', the art bouncin', everything bouncin' like a newbie cheerleader on Monday Night Football!!! Good stuff!
I used to buy comic books a lot, then the artwork started looking bad. Bad and silly. With wretched anatomy and twisted 'human' forms or with some vain Manga / Disney hybrid born of anatomical or stylistic ignorance. In any case I (and others) stopped buying books cold. That was largely done in the mid 80's to the mid 90's (but is an ongoing problem today). Shitty artwork that never conveyed the seriousness of the story line because every time you turned around the anatomy of the super hero or villain was doing a bunch of tricks of it's own. Fuck those comic books that sell cartoons as realistic imagery. Fuck them. Fuck the companies that print this bad art and try to sell it as ''good' or 'cool'. And fuck those wannabe artists that treat their 'passion' as if it's an inconvenience; only drawing when they feel like it or never attending an art school. Fuck them and fuck the books they work on. If you see a crappy-drawn book don't be a coward, or weakling -slam that book back down on the shelf and move on to another well illustrated realistic story line. No one has time to wait for these 'creators' to improve their 'artwork' or writing. If they can't handle the job professionally they shouldn't get the job at all. Go work at 7-11 or something. Stop wasting everybody's time and yours. You're not an artist, you're a wannabe.
Take a look at this cartoony shit accompanying this article (above). How am I supposed to believe that the world is in danger when a bunch of half-assed drawn cartoon Fantastic Four characters are out to save it?? Not going to happen. Where's the realism?? I tell you this, had Marvel or any other company in the 1950's started out with shit drawing like this image above they never would have reached the heights of fame and fortune that made them into the largest comic book companies in existence today. The men that started the first comic books were trained realistic illustrators. Period. Not a bunch of comic book reading / wishy-washy fake artist wanting to walk in shoes too big for their own feet. Submitting their bullshit quirky 'art' to their equally stupified-by-real talent editors who pick crap over skill every time.
Like I said, fuck these people. Nowadays it's a talent crap shoot. One book is realistic, the next it's shit-cartoons. But both books pertain to non-humorous story lines. Industry inconsistency. Selling to the lowbrow crowd who don't have any money anyway (because they are lowbrow!) Why do people think that Alex Ross made such a big hit with is super realistic renditions of super heroes? It's not because he's so talented, it's because that's how they are supposed to be drawn --if the storyline is realistic (the art needs to be also). It's a fucking simple concept. But having the balls to stand up for the true values in comic books, the values that made it all great in the first place isn't simple. You've got to butt heads. You got to fire talentless fuckers when a talented person shows up. Intellectual cowardliness is what led to declining comic book sales in the first place. Not the Internet, not video games (each of which continued their own upward climbs to higher quality and realism by the way, during the 80's and 90's and now, while the comic book industry refused to consciously seek out the best realistic artists for their titles and get rid of the laggers).
What a lousy design concept for a Star Wars villain. I was looking for more 'Star Wars 8: The Last Jedi' news to deride when I came across this pic of Daffy Duck in a hood looking creepy. Couldn't help but think of that poorly motivated 'The Force Awakens' villain, Kylo Ren. I don't have to talk about why it resembles him, now do I?
I say Kylo Ren's character is poorly motivated because if the insinuations and indications are to be believed, that he trained under Luke Skywalker before betraying him, then almost certainly Luke would've told Kylo that his father was redeemed in the end by the Force. That Vader, after his death, would never approve of anyone wishing to be like him. Recall how he told his son Luke at the end of 'Return of the Jedi' that Luke was right about him (meaning that he wasn't a lost cause).
Now here comes Kylo, years later, the son of both Leai and Han, who also would've told him about Vader's turn from evil. SOMEHOW Kylo ignores all of these significant figures in his life, and pretends that their appraisal of Vader was a LIE. That Vader is STILL EVIL. He virtually prays to the recovered helmet of Vader in 'The Force Awakens', expressing admiration for his evil.
This is DOUBLY STUPID. It means that Kylo or another had to go to the Moon of Endor and in the process of recovering Vader's melted helmet actually VERIFY part of Luke, Han, and Leia's story about Vader's end.
Now if all this isn't enough to convince you that Disney simply intends on treating OUR beloved Star Wars as a FAT CASH COW then get this: Rumors are already circulating that Star Wars 8: The Last Jedi, the sequel in the new Rey trilogy is building up to be simply a REMAKE of the EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (the 2nd film in the Luke Skywalker trilogy). Another goddamn remake?? Of course it won't exactly mirror 'The Empire Strikes Back' but script leaks and other hints suggest that it will be dark in tone like 'Empire' was and that Rey will lose a hand or other body part like Luke did in his 2nd film. What else are they going to monkey? Will we get another battle on a snow planet like Hoth??
All this points to a sad fact: The people in charge of Hollywood's major studios, for the most part, are not storytellers. Take a look at this little gaff that I just noticed: In the entire film 'The Force Awakens', no one really questions Rey's origins? For all they know she could be an Imperial spy! She was not vetted when she arrived at the RESISTANCE BASE. She and Finn were not checked out at all! Fantastically stupid 'writing'. They could easily have been SUICIDE BOMBERS who could have blown up ALL of the Rebels -or excuse me- 'The Resistance's' leaders by sitting in on one meeting with them!! What a fucking joke this 'story' was.
Notice that Rey's last name is never revealed. Yet this startling lack of admission by any of the characters points to the whole thing as being a PLOT DEVICE. Something created in an ad hoc manner to move the plot on easily, but without having an explanation for it's own existence. Had the heroes began to question Rey's lack of a last name then questions about her (real) identity and thus her actual allegiances would have risen. But the Disney hustlers were too busy looking for a way to get her into the Resistance fast enough to imitate the plot of 'A New Hope', the original Star Wars film, so they could get back the 4 billion dollars they spent in purchasing the Star Wars saga from George Lucas.
Anyway this whole new Star Wars saga starring Rey is a joke and should be treated as one -especially from a professional point of view. Only film illiterate people are raving about this film. People who don't give a fuck about originality or pacing or plotting, etc. and / or who only like the actors in the storyline because they did at least try to make the stupid unoriginal script seem legitimate. And fuck all those people who say that originality is an untrue idea. If your shit reminds others of other people's shit then it's NOT ORIGINAL. If it doesn't remind them of it but is the first of it's kind --in quality, in execution, in detail, then it's ORIGINAL. The original (first) Star Wars was full of stuff that REMINDED you of other films but the quality of it, the execution, the designs, the details were ORIGINAL. Therefore it wasn't attacked as being a rip-off like 'The Force Awakens' has been.
Coyright 2017 by George Alan Booker, All Rights Reserved
Thinking about Marvel comics movie failures --and I don't have to tell you how many there have been, True Believer --the greatest of all have been their notorious ventures into translating the Fantastic Four comic book (more like EXPERIENCE) into film.
As with all great endeavors the work, especially if complicated, reveals who is an intelligent, un-ego driven human being in full control of the situation and who isn't. We can safely assume that Fox studios, the one's behind the jumpy-in-quality X Men movies has a bunch of Ass-Clowns running their comic book to movie franchise division.
Does anybody in that place have a motherfucking brain?? Are they all Hugh Jackman agents, running around trying to get him and only him back on the screen and in a decent film ('Logan')? Even when they succeed it's usually an un-comic book related quasi-mess ('Logan'). Full of shit that you never even saw in the comic books beforehand or not. Like, where the hell is Wolverine's costume at? It's still missing in action, folks!
Anyway I don't feel like bitching myself into a 'hate the suits' mood today (my usual mood, by the way), and I'll leave it at this: the Ass-Clowns That Be want to give the ol' FF another try (translation: there are still a few pennies left to make on this baby so let's get them too!). Rumor has it that they've got another FF film in store but get this, they still think that the awful job of casting that Josh Trank did with the last Fantastic Dud movie was credible. CREDIBLE??? You mean to tell me that out of thousands of goddamn [Fox] employees none of them have the G2V star enhanced balls of Superman to stand up and say that sorry-faced Miles Teller (sorry, Miles fans --actually, not too sorry...) is a miscasting phenomenon like few others??? There are a million older looking men who could play Reed... but anyway -I gotta digress. Here's two articles that exemplify the staggering amount of arrogance and outright money-grubbiness of Fox.
I'm George Alan Booker and I created the character known as Zombie Racer and then everyone and his mother started turning it into shitty video games on the Internet so now it's just all over the damn place. Anyway I used to work in comic books, animation, and TV advertising storyboarding. Now I'm returning to comics again with the start of this website. Check the site ledger on the Home Page (Graphic Storytelling.com and Gallery subheadings listings) for samples of my artwork. Follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/zombieracer for satirical jokes and political commentary (it's where I chill at).